home

As much as I loathe living in Tennessee, it is good to have some time at home. The two back to back trips nearly killed me and were quite trying on [Thornling]. October nearly killed our whole family. Too much going on, not enough time together.

So now, it is nice to at least have the possibility of having some calm, normal time at home. I never imagined myself wishing for the mundane.

Family time is the priority. First, [M's] time with [Thornling]. [M] and I really don’t have any time for each other anymore. We rarely can pull off sex. We never really get adult time together. I would be depressed about this, if I had the time. However, we have the promise of a night of babysitting on Friday so we can have a date.

Then it’s back to working on the basement. Same song for over two years. No matter how much progress we make, nothing is finished. Even when the end is in sight, it’s nothing but a false summit. While I am exceedingly happy with all we’re accomplishing, I can’t help but be so frustrated with how much is left. When does it fucking end? I mean, really?

We still have a backyard to deal with before we can list the house, so it feels like we will never be able to leave.

However, back to my point, it is nice to at least be at home enough to make all this seemingly futile progress. With cabinets and carpet in the man cave this month, that would be a huge step. And more importantly, a baby proofing step. We may not be done, but as long as it’s safe for [Thornling].

There is just no time for anything but the day to day. My mind is monotonous. Even my thoughts are monopolized by the boring. Instead of dreaming and writing, I have to weigh parenting choices and think about managing our house. Sometimes I feel trapped in this new reality (worse by being trapped in this undesired location), but at the end of the day with my babies, it’s worth it.

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