back to whine
October 14, 2011OK, I am finally forcing myself back into the blogosphere. I have slacked off long enough! [Thornling] is six months old now!
However, and it should come as no shock, I have returned to complain. To vent, as it were.
Single parents are a marvel to me now. Or parents who have a partner deployed or consistently traveling. I do not know how they do it. Since [Thornling], [M] suddenly has been traveling frequently. Too frequently.
I am by no means a single parents. However, I can say unequivocally that I hate solo parenting. I am exhausted of being on duty 24 hours a day, especially working from home. I am sick of having to change every diaper, do every feeding, get up every time, deal with every fit. I am tired of making all the decisions.
Most of all, I think I am bitter because this is not what I signed up for. We moved to Tennessee so [M] would travel less. [M] did travel less for two years, so we decided to have a baby. We have [Thornling], and suddenly he’s traveling constantly again. The trips are short, but he’s only home for a couple days in between.
We had a child because we were supposed to both be around for it, and once we do, he’s gone all the time. She is so young, and he’s missing so much. His company says travel or unpaid leave, so we have little choice. I realize we don’t have it bad and that it could be worse and bla bla bla, but I still don’t like it.
I feel frustrated for me, and I feel sad for [M] and [Thornling]. When [Thornling] does something new or cute, I feel bad because [M] has missed it. [Thornling] looks for her daddy, and it kills me. Again, it’s not what I signed up for.
Each trip is supposed to be the last for a while; then he’s gone a couple days later.
This leads me to martyr myself. I feel myself whining and feeling sorry for myself. I feel overwhelmed. Working from home with a baby, I need some down time to decompress. The only option I have is after [Thornling] is asleep. I end up bitter that [M] is not doing his half of the parenting, even though he wants to and has no control of the situation. It’s not good.
Again, I do not know how single parents do it.
As much as you could have it worse, the situation totally sucks. I know M is hating it as much, if not more, than you are. Hopefully change will come soon.